Today is the 2 year anniversary of my Mum’s passing. It’s a day where I will light a candle to one of the most significant women in my life, whose absence has left a chasm greater than I could ever have imagined.
When Mum was alive, I was acutely aware of our differences.
Yet as time has passed, I’ve also come to see how deeply her values and loves flourish within my own heart. I realise that the differences between us were merely superficial.
She loved tennis. I love beach walks.
She loved analysis. I love embodied awareness.
She loved hoarding. I treasure “zen” (but I’m a good hoarder too!).
She loved the medical solutions. I love the natural solutions.
Yet our unique and individual circles nevertheless had many points of intersection. And it’s these common values that bind us, long after her passing.
She loved plants and gardens….I treasure my plants and garden, they’re my family.
She loved feeding the magpies….I love watching the willy wagtail dancing on my birdbath.
She loved making food from other nationalities…I love eating food from around the world.
She loved to travel, and pre-plan every detail of every trip.
I love to travel, and to plan as little as possible of the trip so I can have space for adventure.
And we both loved the benefits of essential oils. Up until her death, Mum’s monthly staples were her Panaway oil, Aroma Siez oil, RC oil and NingXia Red. She’d never be without these.
Now, although I stand in my own uniquness, I know that Mum was an integral ingredient that has allowed me to become the woman that I am today.
Prior to her death, I used to wonder what it would be like to have her pass over.
How would I feel? Would I miss her? Would I feel her around me? Would it be an easy passing for her? Would I still be able to communicate with her?
I didn’t expect to miss her the way that I have.
Knowing how different we are, I expected that I’d be quite accepting of her passing, and get on with life.
It wasn’t that way with my mother’s mother. My Grandmother and I were extremely close and very similar. Her passing left an enormous hole in my heart.
I didn’t think it would be the same with my Mum, but it was.
Losing Mum has given me the deepest respect for what a “Mother” means in our life. I realised that Mum, despite our differences, was the woman who had my back no matter what. Her unconditional love for her children meant that no matter what we did, no matter how challenging that was for her to accept, she loved us anyway.
I’ve come to realise that this unconditional love and support is one of the most precious gifts I’ve been given in my life, and it’s the thing I miss the most deeply about her.
She was my pillar and my rock. If my world fell apart, I knew she’d be there for me.
I watched each of us (myself, my brother and my sister) choose paths and responses that caused her pain or concern, yet she never for an instant stopped loving us through it.
And that is the gift which is “Mother”.
Not every child has a mother who embodies this. If you are reading this and your Mother was anything but unconditionally loving and accepting of you, then with all my heart I hope there was someone else in your life who embodied these qualities.
We all need someone who has our back through thick and thin, who loves us despite our mistakes and our differences, and who always wants the best for us.
I was one of the many fortunate ones, whose Mum truly was this.
And now that she’s passed, there are certain things that I’ve come to appreciate more than ever:
I’m grateful that her passing was easy…..
As easy as it can ever be. We had the challenge of losing her quickly and unexpectedly. But to me, that was still easier than watching her in a long drawn-out process.
I’m grateful to have given her an Emotional Clearing Technique as soon as she’d passed.
My sister and I were at the hospital 90 minutes after Mum had passed over, and we did a sacred ceremony of anointing her with 14 different essential oil blends. As each oil went on, we talked to Mum’s Spirit, sharing all the things we loved and appreciated about her. We knew she was still in the room with us, hearing every word and feeling every ounce of love.
The Young Living essential oils hold a frequency that I’ve never encountered in anything else. They uplift us into Oneness, and open channels for connection, allowing us the space to heal our own emotional wounds.
They are also an avenue for deep blessing, during palliative care and after a loved one’s passing.
I’m grateful she visited me after she passed.
It was the very next day, and she came to me so vividly in Spirit. “Thank you for sending your friend!” she said to me. “He made me laugh!”. (My friend is an amazing healer, and he’d done a few sessions on Mum before she passed, and was there in meditation supporting her as she left her body. And yes, he cracked a joke with her as she left her body, and that lightened her experience.)
She went on to tell me how Dad was there waiting for her when she reached the Light. “It was so amazing,” she said to me. “I always thought he’d look the way he did when he died, but he looked just like he did when we first met. He was so excited to see me, like he was on our honeymoon!”
I’m grateful for the many ways, big and small, that she supported me through her life.
She gave me her values of resilience and kindness, little seedlings that I water each day in memory of both her and her Mum who also shared these qualities. Far greater than any material offerings, these qualities live on in my heart and create a ripple out into the world.
I knew Mum’s passing had been a great one. It was kind on her, and kind on us, even though it was tough at the time.
Since then, she’s been off doing her thing. As much as I’d love to feel her around, I don’t. And I deliberately don’t call out too loudly. Her Spirit will take her where she needs to go, and now it’s my turn to step into her huge shoes, and find that same way to love myself with the incredible unconditional flame that she always had.
