The Tip of the Iceberg

In last week’s blog, I introduced you to a life-changing concept called “The One Thing”, which is based on the book by this same name by Gary Keller.

Let’s now take this one step deeper. What if you were to apply this not only to the One Thing you can do right now to propel your life forwards…but also to the One Thing that is most inhibiting your joy, creating self-sabotage, and holding you back from living to your highest potential?
Looking deeply and honestly into our own Self takes enormous courage. Ultimately, the work we do on our Self will lead to the death of the ego…that personality that WE created to keep ourselves safe from a perceived harm. And so of course there is resistance and indeed fear of delving deep.

We spend our life creating a treasure trove of distractions, in order to NOT face those uncomfortable and deeply painful wounds that we carry within.

When we look on these wounds, for an instant they appear to be utterly Soul destroying. It is only when we hold the space and keep gazing at them that we finally realise they are nothing more than an illusion – a thought that we had in response to a feeling in response to an event, and we anchored that thought into reality.

I love this quote from A Course in Miracles:

“You must look upon your illusions and not keep them hidden, because they do not rest on their own foundation.”

If you enjoyed my past blog on The Lost Teachings of Atlantis, you will understand that we live in a world that is Mental. What we believe is what we will see. Our entire reality is not independent of us, but is intricately linked to our own perceptions and beliefs.

On the one hand, these wounds are all illusions. And that is the ultimate truth.

However, whilst we are on this path, we still believe what our eyes are witnessing. This in turn triggers beliefs and subsequent feelings…..and we’re likely to react to those feelings as IF they are real.   

The Trigger

About a month ago, I had a pattern recur in my life which brought some very unsettling emotions to the surface. The pattern was one of abandonment, and as I sat in the misery of the emotions, I realised that this pattern has followed me through many of my closest relationships, particularly with men.

We all have a story attached to our patterns. In my case, the pattern plays out in a way that love and connection is suddenly severed, and I am left not knowing what I did “wrong”…and often with no opportunity to resolve the situation - or at least, not quickly.

I remember one such example of this in my life. My first marriage when I was in my early 20’s had been both wonderful and rich with friendship – however, it also included some physical abuse.
It took me almost 5 years to draw a line in the sand, and say “If you hit me again, it’s over”. And he hit me again, and I was true to my word.

Yet my Uncle (who was like a father to me) questioned my decision. He told me he thought I was making a mistake by walking away from the marriage. You see, I’d never told him about the abuse. I was ashamed about it, and as with so many people in violent situations, I kept quiet and tried to handle it myself, and didn’t share it with the people who were closest to me.

So I wrote to my Uncle, and bared my heart and Soul. I told him about the joys and the dysfunction of my marriage. It was an extremely long letter, and I had written it in the hope that I could help him understand WHY I’d made the decision that I had.

Yet we’re such intricate beings when it comes to emotions. Instead of my letter bringing my Uncle and I closer, it did the exact opposite. He made a very conscious decision never to speak to me again, and it was some 14 years later before I was to see him again (this being at my father’s funeral).

When I did beg (and yes, I begged) for an understanding of what had happened, he simply told me that I’d hurt him so badly with my letter, that he never wanted to be hurt like that again.

Ouch! In fact, I think that needs to be OUCH!!!

Somewhere deep in our Psyche is the memory of the Divine, and that pure connection we share with all things. You can call the Divine by the name of God, or Allah, or Spirit, or THE ALL, or Love, or by one of its many other names. Yet inside of us is the memory of that perfect connection to our Source, and the pain we experience in its absence.

And rejection or abandonment is the one act that taps so deeply into this root cause. Hence it is a VERY powerful trigger for deep emotions.

The Separation

Over the years I’ve explored these emotions, sometimes to do with my Uncle, sometimes to do with other men in my life with whom this pattern has repeated itself…and each time, the wound is so deep that I find myself not wanting to be “here” on this Planet.

How can an emotion feel so Soul-destroying?

It’s because the emotional trigger of the present is simply the tip of a giant iceberg, and underneath is the rest of the iceberg. This comprises all the other times we’ve experienced this same emotion…and it goes right back to the initial feeling of separation from the Oneness that is our truth.

We’re not actually separate from it…but until we reach that point of Enlightenment or Universal Consciousness, we’re still identifying with our separate self, our body, and so the moments of connection are “disconnected” or “interrupted” – meaning they come and go, and are replaced with feelings of being “individual” or “isolated” from that whole.

So ANY form of abandonment or rejection reminds us of this very first and most painful of separations – our separation from God. That’s what is underneath the ocean’s surface and underneath the tip of the iceberg.

And its ramifications are huge. If I am rejected or abandoned by God, for all eternity, what does that mean for me? It means I am eternally alone, eternally cut off from love, having to forage on my own for the scraps of love I can find from those around me.

The pain of this perception is WORSE than the pain of death, and it’s no wonder that abandonment drives some people to the thought of death, to extreme manipulation of their circumstances and those around them, to numbing themselves with alcohol or other substances, or - in extreme cases - to taking their own life.

Despite my many tools in my tool belt, when this abandonment script was triggered again recently, I found myself spiralling out of control. My emotional balance that I’ve spent so many years fostering dissolved in less than an instant, and I was left in a turbulent ocean of emotions, stunned by the obsessiveness of my thoughts.

Yet as with all challenges that we face in life, there were also two gifts that came from this.

Firstly – I WAS able to witness my reaction, and know that it was a reaction, and understand that the reaction was far too extreme for the present circumstances, therefore it had its roots in the iceberg – the bit under the surface, in all the past experiences of separation, going right back to that original separation from God.

I was thankful for that insight, because it allowed me to witness my emotional self, and know that there was a higher perspective here. I still felt it all intensely, don’t get me wrong. I cried and cried – yet at the same time I knew that the emotions and the perception of abandonment were just that – a perception - and that they were triggered by an event but were always residing within me due to an unhealed wound.

And from that awareness came the next powerful gift. I knew that relying on myself to heal this hasn’t worked….not because I don’t have the right tools, but simply because we are often too close to our own issues, and there are times we need to reach out a hand and allow ourselves to be loved, and helped by others. Sometimes others see our blind spots, where we remain oblivious.

So that’s what I did, and am still doing. I recognise that of all the many challenges I’ve faced in my life and been able to heal, the ONE THING that still holds me back from peace more than anything else is this wound around abandonment, and the attachments and neediness it creates in my life.

But how do we solve something that’s been an albatross around our neck for decades? Where do we start?

The Path to Healing

I didn’t know where to reach out… I started with the most important step. I connected with my intense desire to have this wound healed, for my own peace, and so that one day – if it’s in my highest good – I will have a deep and profound relationship where this old script doesn’t need to play out.

Change always begins with desire to change.

Next, fuelled by the energy I’d created with this desire, doors started to open for me, and healers appeared, or friends and colleagues shared details of people they recommended.

There is no one path for us to healing. There are many amazing people and modalities out there. I started with one of my favourite modalities – the Egyptian Emotional Clearing Technique. And from there I had a lovely woman offer a reading to me (not related to my present situation, but as a gift because I’d shown her kindness a few months earlier).

It’s incredible how our acts of kindness and generosity come full circle!

So she was a part of the puzzle…and then my heart continued to hurt so much that I picked up my favourite book, “The Lost Teachings of Atlantis”. I was partway through my third read of it, and so I began reading where I’d left off.

In perfect synchronicity, the pages that I read were written exactly for me and my present situation, so this gave me enormous heart and gave me more strength of purpose.

I connected with my favourite Vet who is also a homeopath, and she made me up some homeopathics. I haven’t used homeopathics in years, yet it was one of the paths I was guided along for this situation.

To go somewhere we’ve never been before, we sometimes have to do something we’ve never done before.

I also attended a 5 x 1.5 hour personal development course called Uncluttered, run by two amazing female entrepreneurs. And THAT was amazing!

This is just the beginning for me. Every day, I am making choices that are different to my past choices. I’m connecting with new people, I’m allowing others “in” more, and letting myself be touched. I’m being kinder on myself.

The ripple effect is unfolding around me, spurred by the energy of my desire for healing and change.

This is your gift. Set aside an hour or more this week of uninterrupted and sacred “me” time. And use that time to connect with nature, and reflect on your life.

What is the One Thing that is holding you back, such that by healing this One Thing, all other problems would either disappear or become insignificant, and you would be able to shine even more brightly?

This is your Iceberg….now, find the fuel within you. Look in the mirror with raw honesty and vulnerability. Feel the emotions of this iceberg, and acknowledge the many ways it has impacted your life.

And make the choice for change. Open the doors, and look for opportunities to heal this. Always listen to your intuition, which will guide you in the next steps.
And watch those doors start to fly open, bringing to your feet the very steps that will allow you to heal this.

Tonight, light a candle in honour of your real potential, and that shining light that lives within you and which illuminates the way forwards.

This is the REAL you!