Do you ever wish there were more than 24 hours in the day? I sure do. My life is filled to the brim with purpose, with projects, with volunteering, with friends, with errands, with physical activities and with self-care.
I reach the end of each year in a frenzy, crawling my way towards Christmas with my fingernails, wondering how I’m ever going to make it to my much-needed break.
And then it’s here. And I have sweetness and downtime, rest and relaxation, and the chance to escape the endless busyness as I fill my own cup, and envision the year ahead. And in my mind, it’s always going to be a better year than the year just passed.
It was during the last end-of-year break that something happened.
I was playing catch up on some seminars I’d missed seeing live, and one of those was Peter Crone (aka The Mind Architect). If you’ve not watched any of his content, I highly recommend it.
As I watched him unlock person after person in his inimitable way, I started to wonder about my own life. Where am I holding limitations that don’t need to be there? Where am I hurting myself through my thoughts?
Sometimes it takes that one catalyst for us to go somewhere we’ve not been before…and that’s exactly what happened for me.
I posed a question to myself: “What if my feeling of being burnt out has nothing to do with how hard I work?”
Hmmmm…..that’s an interesting concept. All this time I’ve been convinced I’m dancing on the edge of physical burnout. What if I’m wrong?
Like the perfect sleuth, I began looking for evidence.
Well, wasn’t that a revealing exercise!!! I chose one of my close friends as my point of reference, and did a stock take of my life….only to discover that my life looks a lot better than what my stressed self is telling me.
Here’s what I realised about my life:
- I sleep waaaayyyyy better than she does. Where she is lucky to get 4 hours a night, I usually manage 8 to 9 hours of quality sleep each night (and grizzle if it’s less than 8!).
- I take great care of my physical body with healthy food, essential oils, my red drink and personal training, and look at least a decade younger than my age.
- Every week I nurture my body with a massage, and I nurture my Soul with beach walks and swims in the ocean.
- I nourish myself with heart-centred conversations and friendships.
- I have great wind-down time at night, curling up with a Netflix series, catching up with a friend over a scrumptious meal, reading a book, or enjoying a rainforest meditation.
- I get out of my comfort zone and meet people, and there is innovation and new and unexpected experiences happening in my world every week, so I’m never bored. That’s how I “free fall”, and it’s a great recipe for happiness.
- I live a life that’s aligned with my purpose, and I don’t have the daily financial or relationship stress that so many people are living with. I still have stressors in my life, but that’s not one of them.
- I give back to the world in a way that fills my heart with joy, by caring for sick and injured animals, or by holding the hand of someone who’s going through a challenging time.
So when I reflect on all of this, it begs the question, “Where is the burnout really coming from?”
Could it be that it’s got nothing to do with my work focus, or my lifestyle?
Could it be something I’m labelling as “burn out” because that’s palatable to me, and it strokes my ego by reinforcing my wonderful, strong work ethics….whereas the real reason is a misalignment deeper within me?
Is it possible I’ve been lying to myself?
The penny started dropping. I could feel it, and I knew I was on the right track with this line of questioning, so I continued….
Could it be that whilst I’m living my day in such a full and fulfilling way, at the very same time I’m heavily judging myself for anything and everything…..and that it’s actually this judgement and attack upon myself that is burning me up, not the work itself?
Wow – that’s a bombshell! But I can feel I’m onto something, and here’s what I realised:
In the past, I’ve set myself up to lose no matter what I do. If I work hard, I don’t get to clean my house, or do something spontaneous just for the fun of it. If I clean my house or have spontaneous fun, I am late with my financial reporting, or I don’t get back to people in a timely fashion with their enquiries.
There is no “win” in how I’m viewing my life.
It dawns on me that I’m addicted to judging myself, and this leaves no space for happiness and no peace around my choices, because I’m “wrong” no matter what I choose to do. I “take from Peter to give to Paul,” so there’s always a loser on one side of the equation.
So what if I changed that viewpoint? What if the truth is that I actually can’t make any choice that’s wrong?!?!
What if it’s perfectly OK to have a house that’s a work in progress? Or a body that’s a work in progress? Or a business that’s a work in progress? Or a friendship circle that’s a work in progress?
What if it’s ok not to be perfect? (OMG, what a revelation!!!!)
As a child, I thought I had to be perfect to be loved.
It was like the carrot being dangled in front of me. If I could only be that little bit better than I was, that little bit more perfect, more nice, more well behaved, more beautiful, more academic….then I would be loved.
And when I look at my childhood, I now know that there was nothing I could have done to be loved more. Nothing would have made the difference. I could never have made my Father truly happy, because I was in his life to challenge him and to challenge his beliefs, not to be the perfectly conforming little girl (as much as I wanted his love and approval).
I would have had to sacrifice the unique and wonderful and curious young woman that I was in order to please him…..and I’m so grateful I never did that!
But by carrying forward the thought that I’d be loved when I’m perfect, it set me up to never feel loved, to never be truly happy, because how can anyone be that perfect?
As I witnessed this domino effect of thoughts pouring out of me, it began to dawn on me the vicious cycle that I have bound myself into. I also realised that “I have done this to myself”.
As horrifying as that is, it’s also incredibly liberating because it means I am not a victim of this situation, and I have a choice.
What if I can love myself exactly as I am right now, because I’m this beautiful Soul within my body, who’s having a human experience, and in that human experience I’m experimenting so it’s messy….and imperfect….and sometimes even downright smelly!?!?!?
What if I gave myself that absolute permission to be “perfectly imperfect” in every single moment. What would that then open up for me?
Wow! That would mean that instead of striving to put my finger in the many holes in my dyke (trying to stem the streams of perceived imperfection in my Self and my life), I could just get on with living….and making choices that align with what is right for me in each and every day.
What if instead of striving for perfection, I lovingly embrace imperfection?
What would that open up for me in terms of spaciousness and freedom?
If I’m not always trying to be perfect, “working hard” to be perfect, so that I’m striving and working all the time….what would that open up for me?
If I’m not trying to be somewhere that I’m not right now, how differently will I live my life? Then I can make the choice that aligns with my desires in each moment, instead of choosing actions that are seeking an approval that will never come.
How simple is that?
By embracing imperfection, I find the perfection in life itself, rather than in how the external looks to me.
I take off the mask, and the real living begins…and strangely, more things get done in a happier way when I’m living from joy.
That’s a vast contrast to the inner stress I experience every day that I’m trying to be perfect in an unpredictable and imperfect world, and the self-judgment that comes from the inevitable failings.
It’s like giving a child crayons, and expecting them to paint like Monet – the disparity is extreme, and unrealistic….impossible, even. But when we encourage them to be themselves, in their uniqueness of self-expression, that’s when we see the love that’s right in front of us, contained within this perfectly imperfect Being.
As the reality of this sank into my awareness, I made a choice to live and embrace the perfectly imperfect within me.
And when I think about how many years I’ve spent chasing the wrong problem, thinking my problem was physical burnout (rather than recognising it as an emotional tension that had reached the level of unbearableness, ie. “emotional burnout”), I’m reminded yet again that “When we see the real problem, the healing can happen effortlessly.”
The real problem is now revealed, so that healing can happen.
